Filling out my jeans and getting back on my numbers

 I haven't weighed or measured my food in around eight weeks. I'd stopped during the beginning of the stay-at-home order of the pandemic, re-started on much-too-low calories, hadn't stayed consistent, and put it aside out of frustration with myself. When I found out about the infidelity, a part of me wanted to starting counting IMMEDIATELY as I find solace in controlling something in a time of such high stress. But deep down I didn't want to start again during such a negative time and with a negative mindset. As I've said before, I love counting macros and think it's an excellent routine for me as long as I keep a positive mindset. Crucial aspect. 

I'm re-starting today because I'm ready. I'm more settled, have a mostly positive outlook on the future (thanks, therapy), and am confident that I'm in a good headspace with regard to my body. I haven't weighed or measured myself - I don't want to start sliding down that slippery slope. But I [nervously] put on jeans yesterday. Nervously because as I tend to gain a few pounds when I eat "intuitively". Will tackle my thoughts on the intuitive eating trend later on. The jeans fit and I was thrilled to see / feel that I filled them out in a more muscular way than I expected. I've stayed committed to strength training throughout the pandemic but had no idea what effect the lack of a barbell would have on my body. 

In the past, I've longed to be thin thin thin. For now, I'm excited to be and look strong. I'm thankful to have friends who want to go out for tacos and margaritas with me and I refuse to give that up as I open up Cronometer and start inputting my food. This time, I'm committed to BALANCE - tracking my food when I can, chilling out when I can't. I'm not preparing for a body building competition so I don't need to control my food like I am. 

So here's to filling out my jeans, weighing my food again, and continuing to build those muscles. 

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