30th post! Pushing past the fear of feedback

When I first decided to push past the fear of not knowing where or how to start, I went to one of my favorite blogs because I knew there would be a post about how to start a blog. From Grace's post, I found another with a helpful list of blogging tips. One tip mentions creating three months of content before "going live" to help create stickiness and get in your blogging groove before too many eyes came by. I mentally changed three months to thirty posts as I'm not starting a blog to make money or become an ~influencer~. I figured if I could write thirty posts, I'd find my groove, decide if I had enough to say to keep going, and have time to let a few close friends read it and give feedback before letting more people in. 

I'm thirty posts in and totally love it. Mostly just as a healing tool and creative outlet for me. I've never considered myself a creative person since I can't draw, paint, play a musical instrument, etc. But I've always loved writing and I'm so glad I've returned to it. I've gotten some good feedback from loved ones and I feel good about the direction. I'm super scared about having more eyeballs on what I write and the inevitable mixed feedback that I'll receive. I'm worried that people will judge me for staying in my marriage, being honest and vulnerable about what happened, and thinking "what gives you the right to talk about relationships?". But I'm pushing past that fear too. In my mind, the "worst" has already happened this year so why continue to keep myself small from the fear of what if? 

When I was living in Charlottesville, I became acquainted with Kath from Kath Eats Real Food - she's been a big deal in the blogger world since the beginning and completely responsible for my love affair with oatmeal. It was from her that I learned about nasty internet comments (this was before Instagram) and GOMI. If you don't know what GOMI is, don't look. But I think that's when I first decided I didn't want to try the blogging thing. I'm a sensitive person and highly critical of myself already. I don't need a bunch of strangers on the internet telling me why I'm awful. For the record, Kath is super nice and a pioneer in the world of food and lifestyle blogging. 

So I'm pushing past my fear of snark and my hope is that what I write will resonate with some people. Whether it's infidelity, body image struggles, or relationship navigation, this is all from my perspective and I don't claim to speak for everyone. If you like what I write, have a question about my story, or an idea for how to make this space better, please let me know. I'm proud of what I've created from a time of immense pain and I hope to continue to create something beautiful. Thank you for reading. 

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