Grateful for a new focus

As I've written about a bit before, I quit my job a few days after discovering my husband's affair. There were a couple reasons for this: I was working retail during the pandemic which was decidedly awful, I immediately realized that the job I had was contributing to my low sense of self-worth and that had to be changed immediately, and in all honesty the idea that I was working on my feet all day in retail while wearing a mask then rushing home to take care of Rex solo while my husband was texting some slut her from his hotel room filled me with a burning rage and sense of injustice. I am a team player and have made sacrifices to support his career and this simply went too far. Leaving my old job is definitely the best thing that came out of this not-so-good year. At the same time, not having a solid distraction apart from sending job applications was a struggle in its own right. I work out almost daily and found solace in starting the blog, but without a full-time job my brain had too much time to spin tales and harmful narratives. 

After a few months of searching, interviewing, and making sure to vet companies just as thoroughly as they were vetting me (a previous weakness of mine), I've finally started a new job and I couldn't be more thrilled. I feel accomplished, valued, and worthy. It's also the first new job in years where I don't have that little pit in my gut that it's not the right fit. I had my first full two days this week and the difference a new focus has made in my mental health is already huge. I'm learning a lot and finding that giving my brain so much new information is forcing it to be a sponge rather than a ruminating rocking chair (worrying without going anywhere!). 

So I'm ending this week with gratitude. Gratitude towards myself for taking the leap to get into the job search market during a pandemic and economic downturn, gratitude towards my new company for giving me a chance, and yes, gratitude towards my husband for giving me the space and financial support to take a few months off to heal and find the right career move for me instead of just another job. 

I hope you have a great weekend and fill fulfilled this week. 

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