In 2015, I said yes to leaving Charlottesville, the small city in which I had lived and worked for seven years.
In 2017, I said yes to moving roughly every 4-6 years, having very little control over vacations and holidays, and enduring a busy campaign season every 4 years.
In 2018, I moved to New York despite the infidelity, I left the only job I’ve ever truly loved as being remote was not working out and I wanted to preserve my relationship with an amazing company.
Through one perspective, supporting my husband’s career has given me the opportunity to live in New York City - one of my favorite places in the world and a place I always wanted to live. Through another, I have never been able to settle in a career and have sacrificed my professional life as I’ve tethered myself to his.
Hindsight is 20/20 but I don’t regret my choices. I could not have married and stayed with P if I refused to move and go with the flow as his job demands. But what is the value of supporting someone else’s dreams? I can see the judgement in people’s eyes as I explain our life. Deep down, it bothers me because I don’t know exactly what my dreams are and I’m embarrassed about that.
Chris Rock has an amazing stand-up special on Netflix called Tambourine. The title bit says that in a relationship, sometimes you’re the lead singer, and sometimes you’re on the tambourine. And when you find yourself in that supporting role, you should play the shit out of that tambourine.
Maybe I’ll always be on tambourine? Maybe I’m ok with that as long as I feel safe and loved and I have a job that doesn’t suck my soul? Maybe having this little creative outlet will be my own separate one-woman band. I’m not certain yet but I’m grateful for this space to be able to find out.