It's trendy on social media to say that fat is not a feeling. I get it. But some days I feel fat. You can say bloated or heavier or whatever word you prefer. I have a history of cancelling plans due to feeling fat. I come up with a different excuse and will even be honest with close friends that I want to see them but need to change the plans so that we're not eating out or meeting for a drink. A very patient friend a few years ago allowed me to change our plans to meet at a restaurant and I brought prepared meals over to her place instead so that I could accurately track my food. I worked for Territory Foods at the time, so in my defense, the food was delicious. But it's WHY I changed our plans that matters.
I'm making a promise to myself (and putting it here for accountability) that I will no longer cancel or amend plans due to feeling fat. I feel so lucky to have my friends and they are more important to me than the temporary effects of one drink or one meal at a restaurant. I prioritize my health and I do so love a certain aesthetic but there are other ways to tweak my life to make social plans work. In this Elly 2.0 iteration of macro counting, I'm aiming to have 1-2 days a week off of tracking my food. That leaves a lot of flexibility. Beyond there, an unplanned untracked meal here and there is totally ok as I'm not heading for a body building stage
anytime soon ever.
The beauty of flexible dieting is that it's just that - flexible. I'm skeptical about the feasibility of intuitive eating for someone in recovery from an eating disorder because so much of our eating is simply not intuitive. There's constant marketing working against you, along with a history of emotional eating and cycles of restricting and binging. It's also the norm for women to chronically under-eat and I don't want to wreck my metabolism now by "intuitively" eating too few calories. Tracking is data and data is the only way to truly test the efficacy of anything.
So I'm going to keep tracking, without judgement or a hyper-specific body fat goal. And, no matter what, I will not cancel plans due to feeling fat.