Meeting the moment

As I wrote last week, I am a recovering/managing perfectionist. Along the same lines, I'm a planner. I like my routines and rituals. I love a to-do list with lots of checked boxes. Known > unknown. Along with the hurt and betrayal, it's probably one of the reasons that the infidelity has proven so difficult for me to "get over". My entire reality was shattered and I had no checklist, no answers, no manual to follow to the letter in order to figure it out, recover, and move on. If I manage to create one, I'll be sure to publish it and hopefully make lots of money. The girlfriend's guide to infidelity is probably trademark infringement and he's just not that into you definitely is so I'll keep working on my title as I pin down how exactly to recover 😉

The idea of letting go is a scary one. Perfectionism tends to be rooted in a desire for control; and letting go has always appeared to me to be the opposite of having control. If I let go of my routines, my plans, and my habits, how do I make sure everything doesn't go to shit? But on the flip side of that idea, didn't everything already go to shit when I was planning, controlling, and checking my little boxes? 

We're in a bit of a state of limbo at the moment. Waiting for news that would alter plans in a significant way. And I don't love the waiting. I want to know, I want to plan, I want to create checklists. But I'm leaning into letting go, into meeting the moments as they arise. 

I hope your week is a great one so far and that everything is going according to plan. If not, I hope you can let go. Meet the moment.